Tuesday, 21 February 2012

So I have an essay, dissertation, lab book, interview plan and piano practice to do...


A lot has happened over the last few weeks, this is best summarised with a list:

- Won the Duncan Knight Award for the university (and a few very much appreciated add-ons of a gorgeous ceremony at the Tallow Chandler's Hall and a cheque of £1000)

- Made mental notes to throw out the students doodling manga in the corner of my microbiology tutorials (possibly incorporating weebo curse words into my out-on-ear-throwing)

- Commenced CBT (hrrrm, a little foggy here)

- Received " 'ta but no 'ta"s from Barts and BSMS (I like to think the late rejections means I held up in a few pooling rounds?)

- Grown my HeLa cells ready for the next step in the project (please, please be aseptic!)

- Gotten back to running (my legs disagree, we've reached a moot point in the argument and I'm going again)

- FINALLY got the separate hand-timing and incorporation in Chopin's Fantaisie Impromptu which has been disturbing my sleep for many a century

- Did my bit to be human and helped out a few people who needed it (it's amazing how many lonely, suffering, isolated people there are in London. It breaks my heart not to do something, however trivial)

So there, that's my update, time to get on with all the work I've been avoiding...

Interesting note for today (yesterday) - I overheard an oncology nurse on the Jubilee talking about Lewisham hospital and how tough the situation is with under-staffing, so I promptly stuck my nose in - hand thrust forward, introductions which Austen would have approved of all but bayoneting the poor fellow into conversation with yours truly - and asked him questions followed by a cheeky request for a contact e-mail (Austen disapproves) and a threat to message him.

Thou brazen-faced rogue.

Thursday, 2 February 2012

God it has been one hell of a week...

Seriously, it has been insane.

Several amazing things have happened which I just never thought would ever happen and I finally have the chance to write about it (am currently laptopless and am borrowing the parental's device while they're visiting).

I went to see a councellor. Finally. After months of cancelled appointments and second guessing. I went in more skeptical than skeptical dog and came out ashamed of my assumptions and happy to say every misgiving I had about the whole experience was wrong - don't think I've seen myself with so much clarity in years.

And holy crap did I have a lot to talk about - much to my own amazement as a seemingly endless torrent came spewing forth.

I mean I prefaced with bleuuurghrgehIdunnowaddasayrightnow - I'm a scientist and am used to getting straight to the point you see.

But YE GODS it felt so good to just talk and for someone to actually listen.

Really listen.

So I've been referred to a cognitive behavioural therapist and damn it I'm going to get all the control I thought I never had back.

Because, fuck it, I'm going to be happy and full of so much sunshine I obliterate retinas on sight no matter what anyone has to say about it.
I've made that decision and when I put that much conviction behind a decision whatever it is bloody well happens.

Just thought I should share that on top of:

- Been given a position as a lab demonstrator with the head of microbiology mentoring classes
- Am applying for 3 research internships (fingers crossed!)
- Have been given the most amazing research project into connexins and genetic dysfunctions leading to gap junction abnormalities
- Called and booked a piano teacher finally after years of telling myself I don't need one/its too late
- Am considering applying to an MRC project in case I don't get into medical school this year while I apply again for 2013

All that's left is to get back to work on the UCLH wards and to my much beloved running and everything will fall into place exactly as I want it to.

So yes, nothing from the other two medical schools yet but I no longer feel like my entire life is hanging in the balance.

It is so damn good to get perspective.